How to Choose Your Future Life Partner According to Jordan Peterson

The decision of choosing a life partner is one of the most significant and consequential choices you will ever make in your life. It's not just about love, attraction, or even compatibility; it’s about building a future together, supporting each other’s dreams, and navigating life’s challenges as a unified team. According to Jordan Peterson, a renowned psychologist and author, the process of choosing a life partner should be approached with as much rationality and thoughtfulness as any other major life decision.

1. The Importance of Shared Values

Jordan Peterson emphasizes the importance of shared values in a relationship. Values are the bedrock of a relationship—they dictate how you view the world, what you consider important, and how you make decisions. When you and your partner share similar values, it becomes easier to navigate life’s challenges together. For instance, if both partners value family, they are more likely to prioritize time with each other and their children, leading to a stronger, more cohesive family unit.

2. Look for a Partner Who Wants to Grow

Peterson argues that a successful relationship is not just about finding someone who complements you but someone who is committed to growing with you. A partner who is dedicated to personal growth will be more resilient, adaptable, and capable of handling the inevitable challenges that life throws your way. This doesn’t mean that your partner has to be perfect or have it all figured out. Instead, it’s about finding someone who is willing to work on themselves, learn from their mistakes, and strive to be a better person.

3. Choose Someone Who is Reliable and Conscientious

Reliability and conscientiousness are traits that Peterson believes are crucial in a life partner. A reliable partner is someone you can count on, no matter what. They are dependable, consistent, and follow through on their commitments. Conscientiousness, on the other hand, is about being diligent, careful, and responsible. A conscientious partner is likely to be thoughtful in their decisions, considerate of your feelings, and committed to making the relationship work.

4. Compatibility is More Than Just Chemistry

While physical attraction and chemistry are important, Peterson warns against placing too much emphasis on these aspects. True compatibility goes beyond physical attraction—it’s about shared interests, similar life goals, and a mutual understanding of each other’s needs and desires. A relationship built solely on chemistry is likely to fizzle out once the initial excitement wears off. In contrast, a relationship based on deep compatibility is more likely to stand the test of time.

5. Consider the Long-Term

When choosing a life partner, it’s essential to think long-term. Peterson advises against making impulsive decisions based on short-term emotions or desires. Instead, consider how the relationship will evolve over time. Ask yourself questions like: Can you see yourself growing old with this person? Do you share similar visions for the future? Are you willing to work through the inevitable challenges that will arise? By thinking long-term, you can make a more informed decision that will lead to a stable and fulfilling relationship.

6. Communication is Key

Peterson stresses the importance of communication in a relationship. Open, honest, and respectful communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. It’s how you express your needs, resolve conflicts, and deepen your connection with your partner. Without good communication, misunderstandings can fester, leading to resentment and discord. Therefore, it’s crucial to find a partner who is willing to communicate openly and work through issues together.

7. The Role of Responsibility

Responsibility is another key factor that Peterson highlights when choosing a life partner. A responsible partner is someone who takes their commitments seriously—whether it’s their job, their family, or their relationship with you. They are accountable for their actions, make thoughtful decisions, and are willing to shoulder the responsibilities that come with a long-term relationship. This sense of responsibility is vital for building a stable, enduring relationship.

8. Assess Their Emotional Stability

Emotional stability is a critical trait to look for in a life partner. Peterson emphasizes that an emotionally stable partner is better equipped to handle the ups and downs of life without resorting to destructive behaviors or patterns. They are more likely to remain calm under pressure, manage stress effectively, and maintain a positive outlook even in challenging situations. An emotionally stable partner can provide the support and reassurance you need to navigate life’s uncertainties.

9. Be Wary of Red Flags

Peterson also advises being on the lookout for red flags in a potential partner. Red flags are warning signs that something might be wrong in the relationship or with the individual. These can include behaviors like dishonesty, lack of respect, irresponsibility, or emotional manipulation. It’s important not to ignore these signs, even if you feel a strong emotional connection with the person. Recognizing and addressing red flags early on can save you from future heartache and disappointment.

10. Trust Your Instincts

Finally, Peterson encourages trusting your instincts when choosing a life partner. Your instincts are your inner guide, informed by your experiences, values, and emotions. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s essential to pay attention to that feeling. While it’s important to be rational and thoughtful in your decision-making, your instincts can provide valuable insights that your conscious mind might overlook. Trusting your instincts can help you make a choice that aligns with your true desires and needs.

Conclusion: The Path to a Fulfilling Relationship

Choosing a life partner is a complex and deeply personal decision. Jordan Peterson’s insights offer a roadmap for making this choice with wisdom and care. By focusing on shared values, personal growth, reliability, compatibility, communication, and emotional stability, you can increase your chances of building a strong, enduring relationship. Remember, the goal is not just to find someone you love, but someone you can build a life with—a partner who will stand by your side through all of life’s challenges and triumphs.