Choosing a Partner: What the Bible Really Says

It’s easy to assume that the Bible offers a simple checklist for choosing the perfect partner. But is that really the case? If we dive into the text, we find that the scriptures offer a much more nuanced and thought-provoking view of relationships, one that doesn’t necessarily conform to modern romantic ideals.

Think back to the story of Adam and Eve in Genesis. Many interpret this as a tale of divine matchmaking — God creating Eve as Adam’s perfect companion. However, it's not merely about finding someone who fits a preconceived notion of "perfect." It’s about partnership, companionship, and mutual support. Eve wasn’t created to be a subordinate or a sidekick, but as a helper "suitable" for Adam (Genesis 2:18). This term in the original Hebrew—‘ezer kenegdo—carries a weight of mutual strength and aid, not one of hierarchy. This sets the tone for what choosing a partner really means from a biblical standpoint.

If you’re wondering where to start when thinking about a partner, the Bible emphasizes several key traits over physical attraction or status. Look at Proverbs 31, where the ideal partner is described not by appearance, but by their inner qualities: strength, wisdom, and kindness. These are universal qualities that transcend time and culture, highlighting the timelessness of biblical advice.

So, does the Bible talk about love at first sight? Not exactly. Jacob’s love for Rachel (Genesis 29:18) was intense from the beginning, but that infatuation led to years of toil and complex family dynamics. On the other hand, Isaac and Rebekah’s marriage (Genesis 24:67) was arranged, and love grew over time. The message? Both love and partnership can take many forms, and the path isn’t always predictable or easy.

Interestingly, the Bible also offers some warnings. In 2 Corinthians 6:14, believers are advised not to be “yoked together with unbelievers.” This verse, often misinterpreted, isn’t about avoiding non-believers outright but about understanding the importance of shared values. It’s a reminder that relationships built on different foundations can struggle if there is no mutual ground to stand on.

Perhaps the most overlooked aspect is the element of choice and freedom. Despite divine intervention in some biblical matches, the scriptures don’t advocate for arranged marriages as a universal command. In fact, Song of Solomon celebrates romantic love and choice in a way that would be entirely familiar to us today. It’s passionate, personal, and deeply emotional, showing that love and marriage are not devoid of affection or individual preference.

And yet, the Bible also makes it clear that no human relationship is perfect. We see broken marriages, infidelity, and heartbreak in the stories of David, Solomon, and Hosea. The message? No matter how "ideal" a partner seems, relationships take effort, patience, and grace. God’s ideal isn't about finding someone flawless but about building something enduring through mutual respect, shared faith, and unconditional love.

So what’s the takeaway for modern readers? If you’re looking for a quick guide to choosing a partner, you won’t find a formula in the Bible. But you will find a lot of wisdom. Prioritize character over beauty, shared values over fleeting attraction, and remember that love, as described in 1 Corinthians 13, is patient, kind, and unselfish. It’s not about checking off a list but about building a foundation with someone who helps you grow spiritually, emotionally, and as a person.

In conclusion, the Bible provides valuable insights into relationships. It emphasizes mutual respect, shared faith, and character. More than rules, it offers timeless principles that guide the process of choosing a partner wisely. And maybe that’s the real key: it’s not about finding someone perfect, but about becoming the kind of person who builds a strong, faith-centered relationship. As Proverbs 19:14 says, “A prudent wife is from the Lord,” suggesting that while we can choose wisely, divine guidance also plays a role in the ultimate success of the relationship.

If we return to the question posed at the start—what does the Bible really say about choosing a partner?—the answer is far richer and more complex than a simple verse or checklist. It’s a call to reflect on ourselves, our values, and what kind of partnership we are willing to create. The Bible gives us the principles; it's up to us to live them out.