Why Do I Feel Triggered by Someone?

Feeling triggered can hit you out of nowhere—one minute you’re having a normal conversation, the next, something someone says or does sends you into a spiral. It’s as if an invisible button has been pushed, launching you into a flurry of emotions. But here’s the thing: it’s not about the person who triggered you. It’s about the emotions and memories they’ve awakened in you. Triggers are personal; they stem from your past experiences, unresolved issues, and deeper psychological wounds.

Imagine this scenario: You’re sitting in a meeting, and a colleague makes a critical remark. Suddenly, your heart rate skyrockets, your palms sweat, and you feel an overwhelming urge to either lash out or shut down. This is a trigger reaction. But why does this happen? It’s not the comment itself; it’s the way it resonates with something inside you. Maybe it reminds you of past criticism you’ve faced, perhaps from a parent or a former boss, and now your body is reacting in the same protective way it did back then.

Here’s where things get really interesting: most triggers aren’t about the present moment. They are rooted in the past. They’re not about the person in front of you; they’re about past relationships, past hurts, and unresolved emotions. The tricky part is that your brain doesn’t always make this distinction in the heat of the moment. It simply reacts. You might even be aware of this logically, but emotionally, you’re still swept up.

Triggers are often linked to our deepest vulnerabilities. If you have a wound related to rejection, for example, a seemingly minor slight from someone might cause a massive emotional response. This is because that wound hasn’t healed. It’s still raw, and anything that touches it—no matter how small—hurts.

But here’s the twist: your triggers are powerful indicators of where you need to heal. They show you the parts of yourself that still carry pain. When you feel triggered, rather than simply reacting, you can take it as an opportunity to dig deeper. Ask yourself: What about this situation feels familiar? Where have I felt this way before? What emotions are coming up, and why?

Let’s flip this even further: what if triggers are actually a form of emotional feedback? They’re your body’s way of saying, “Hey, something here needs attention.” Instead of running from your triggers or blaming others for them, you could embrace them as signals for growth. The trigger is the symptom; the root cause is somewhere deeper within you.

Consider this: how often do you project your own fears, insecurities, or unresolved issues onto others? It’s easier to believe that someone else is the problem, but often, they are simply reflecting back to you something you need to confront. The key is not in trying to avoid triggers but in learning how to handle them when they arise.

When someone triggers you, it can be a chance to practice self-awareness and self-compassion. Ask yourself: What am I feeling? Where is this coming from? What’s the story I’m telling myself in this moment? By slowing down, you give yourself the space to respond instead of react. And in that space lies your power.

Triggers can also teach you about your boundaries. If certain behaviors or words from others consistently cause emotional reactions, it’s a sign that you might need stronger boundaries in those areas. Maybe you need to set clear limits on how you allow others to treat you, or perhaps you need to create more space for self-care and emotional processing.

But, let’s not forget the ultimate truth here: you are responsible for your triggers, not the people around you. While it’s true that others can push your buttons, those buttons exist because of your own emotional landscape. Owning your triggers means owning your healing. It’s about taking responsibility for how you respond, rather than blaming others for how you feel.

Now, let’s get practical. What can you do when you’re feeling triggered? First, recognize it. Notice when your body is reacting—when your heart is racing, your mind is spinning, and your emotions are flaring up. Second, pause. Don’t immediately react. Take a breath, step back mentally, and give yourself a moment to assess what’s going on. Third, reflect. Ask yourself the deeper questions: What am I really upset about? Is this truly about the current situation, or is it tied to something else in my past?

Over time, you can learn to handle your triggers with more grace. The goal isn’t to eliminate them—that’s nearly impossible. The goal is to become so aware of them that they no longer control you. You can feel the emotion rise, but instead of acting out of fear or hurt, you can choose a more grounded, thoughtful response.

Think of your triggers as emotional GPS signals. They’re guiding you to areas of yourself that need attention and healing. The more you listen to them, the more you’ll understand yourself. And the more you understand yourself, the more empowered you become in all areas of your life.

So, why do you feel triggered by someone? Because that person has unknowingly touched a part of you that still carries pain. But rather than running from that discomfort, you can lean into it, explore it, and ultimately, heal it. The trigger is a gift—a mirror reflecting back to you the work you still need to do.

Now, the question is: Are you ready to embrace that gift?